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Don't Whiz on a 'Lectric Fence Prepack:
Grandpa's Country Wisdom
Roy English
Whether you're a rural homesteader or an urban dweller, Grandpa's good ol' country wisdom offers all the true advice, observations, and witticisms you'll ever need. For everyone weary of city-slickered self-help, Roy English serves up over 140 country bites of reality such as these: "Don't go huntin' with a fella named Chug-A-Lug." "Life is like juggling pitchforks; everyone knows when you mess up." "Trouble is a private thing; don't lend it, and don't borrow it." |
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When I am An Old Coot
Roy English
When I Am An Old Coot I will wear funny hats and loud ties, flowered underwear and bright yellow suspenders. I will break all the silly proper rules and be a kid again. When I am an old coot . . . I will make a will and donate my bones to the Museum of Archaeology to be exhibited as "Fartasaurus Rex." These plus 140 more mischievous witticisms are sure to liven things up in our "mature" years. This book isn't just for aging codgers--it's for free spirits of all persuasions who intend to nurture eccentricities and celebrate life with good humor. |
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Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On!
Texas Bix Bender
Says the SOUTH BEND TRIBUNE, "This book is worthy of a book rustler." In the tradition of humorist Will Rogers, it takes a look at life through the eyes of the cowboy. It is filled with quips and quotes that represent the Code of the West, like: "Always drink upstream from the herd" and "The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swallow." |
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Don't Dig for Water Under the Outhouse
Texas Bix Bender
From the best-selling author of DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON! The pages are packed with Texas Bix Bender's no-nonsense outlook on life: "Don't get even--get over it." "Never miss a good chance to shut up." "Brace your backbone and forget your wishbone." "Take your 'take home pay' home." "Put off 'til tomorrow what you shouldn't be doing anyway." |
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Laughing Stock Prepack: A Cow's Guide to Life
Texas Bix Bender
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Hats & the Cowboys Who Wear Them
Texas Bix Bender
A western humor classic is back! Hats & the Cowboys Who Wear Them, by celebrated western humorist Texas Bix Bender, reveals in hilarious detail the personality profiles of the cowfolk underneath their hats. In fact, Bender cautions, choosing a cowboy hat should be done with much care because it tells just exactly who you are. The man who wears a Cattleman's style, for instance, "likes to sing in the shower, in his truck and under women's balconies. He hopes to get a recordin' contract. After all, George Strait wears a Cattleman, and look what it did for him." Bender covers forty other traditional cowboy hat designs, imparting similar jewels of western-tinged wisdom for each. He also takes care to rope in all the trimmings, addressing hatbands, feathers, and the dangers of "hat hair" in this laugh-out-loud little book. Revised with all-new illustrations, Hats & the Cowboys Who Wear Them is one more uproarious volume from a sure-selling humorist. |
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Never Ask A Man The Size of His Spread
Gladiola Montana
As Long As The Cowboy Has Been The Hero of Our Imaginations, The Cowgirl Has Been Leading Him From Behind. This Charming Gift Book Delivers The Western Woman's Take On Life With Illustrations and Quips Such As "Men-You Can't Live With 'em and You Can's Shoot 'em. " "You Can Warm Your Socks In The Oven, But That Don't Make 'em Biscuits. ""You Can't Keep Trouble From Visitin', But You Don't Have To Offer It A Chair. " |
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Never Stand Between a Cowboy and His Spittoon
Laughs from the Old West Press
Leo W. Banks
Leo Banks loves a good joke. As a writer, he specializes in writing about history - specifically that of the Southwest - but in researching old newspaper archives for material, he often found himself laughing out loud at some of the quirky fillers editors added to spice up the news of the day.
Here in handy pocketbook form, are the jests and jabs he found that made it into the pages of such publications as the Coconino Sun, the Arizona Silver Belt, the Arizona Daily Star and the Holbrook Argus during Arizona's wild, politically incorrect territorial times. Modern readers may not have the same reactions as did folks on the frontier, but everyone will appreciate these gems as a historical reflection of what was funny at the time. |
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Just One Fool Thing After Another
Texas Bix Bender and Gladiola Montana
Cowgirl and cowboy join forces to set people straight on lovin', romancin', and puttin' up with each other year after year. Gladiola and Texas speak nuggets of humorous wisdoms like these: "Love is a bumpy trail, but it promises a scenic ride." "A stone stops rolling when it lands near the kinda moss it's been looking to gather." "Life is not bearable with the opposite sex, until it is unbearable without 'em."
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Growing Older Is So Much Fun Everybody's Doing It
Gene Perret
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Never Give a Heifer a Bum Steer
Marshall Trimble
Arizona's official historian Marshall Trimble deftly blends his background in history, folklore, tall-story telling, and balladeering to create usually rowdy, sometimes bawdy, and always hilarious humor. If the characters in his book were real, the West would have been lost.
Take the Looney Brothers. They were advised that the best way to start a cattle ranch - excluding rustling - was to buy a stout bull and fine heifer and let them go forth and multiply. But they were hoodwinked and the result is summed up in the book's title. Or the vivacious Crystal LeDoux. She became first runner-up in the Miss Arizona contest when her competitor's tractor broke down during the talent show. Or Doc Pringle. His advice for curing insomnia is to get a good night's sleep.
Marshall's characters reside in Ash Fork, which he notes is the only town in Arizona never featured in Arizona Highways.
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Sometimes the Bull Wins
Jim Willoughby
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Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair
Ida Ewing
I'm not an impartial judge, since I'm the principle author of this book. But all the same, this book of one-liners and riddles is pretty funny. It was written as a class project when I was living in Arizona - I'm only listed as the author because I wrote about half the jokes. If you have any background or interest in the life of a cowpoke - you'll enjoy this book.
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Cowboy Slang: Colorful Cowboy Sayings
Edgar R. "Frosty" Potter
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